feelings

3 years ago today, you set me free

Three years ago today you said you wanted to separate and not be a family anymore.  So much has happened and I’m actually to the point now that I’m thankful for it, hence the title of this posting.  I want to say thank you for making the decision that I could not make.  Thank you for releasing me to become a better person and who I needed to be.  Thank you for letting D and I become a healthy family.  Even as tough as it is sometimes to be a single mom, I’d never go back to being with you.  I’m not bitter anymore, still angry about how everything happened and the lies that you told to cover it up.  The way you wouldn’t take responsibility for your actions and blame me for everything.  It’s quite laughable now.  I’m glad I’m older and wiser.  You have helped me see what abuse is and what I do not want in another person. I’m a giving person and not selfish, I deserve to have someone treat me the same way….with compassion and love and just generally being nice.

There was such a fine line for your moods and what set you off. I hope one day you really get the help you need.  I hope you can see yourself for what you are and not what you think you are.  I hope you can accept yourself for you who are and be honest and real with people.  Who knows what you might be in the future.  I actually do wish the best for you and no longer wish for other things.  I know I’m a better person now and I appreciate the lessons learned.

 

I’m free….to be…..to be me

New Year for School 09

My son D will be starting the 1st grade next week. We have his “popsicle popin” on Friday to meet his teachers. He’s excited and not so much at the same time. I have the same feelings. It means he’ll be learning more and I take pride in what he learns and his accomplishments, but it also means he’ll be more independant and moving on more from the little boy I once knew. I guess that’s how all parents feel and it’ll always be a double edged sword, but I wouldn’t give it up for the world. He continues to amaze me every day.

Sometimes I think children were put here for our entertainment. I have a journal that I write down funny things that he says and does that make me laugh out loud. I will create a list of them on the blog one day to share. I hope they make you laugh.