dylan

Football Week 1

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Here is Dylan as a Jr. Pee Wee Black Apex Cougar for Fall 2013.  He’s played running back, wide receiver, safety, tight end, corner and others that I don’t even know the name of.  I’m so proud that he loves sports as much as I did when I was a kid.  I love them now as well.  When we first started football 4 years ago in 2009 when Dylan was 7 years old, I wasn’t sure how I felt about him playing this sport.  But I was really surprised about how he took to it.  He’s one of the smallest guys on the team (weight and height), but he hits harder than the big kids.  I hear other say all the time about how they can’t believe how hard he hits and the size guys he hits.  I hope this year he continues to shine and move forward in his skill development.  He’s really turned into a leader this year and it warms my heart.  Even though last week the game against Cary Green was a loss at 20-0, I feel good about this Saturday’s game in North Raleigh.  lets go Cougars!Image

December 2011

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So much to be thankful for, continuously.  I have great people in my life that care about me and would do anything for me. It’s nice to have people that reciprocate what I give out daily.  Everyone has their faults of course, but if you have good healthy people in your life……that’s the basis that will underline everything.

This past weekend was a great one! Friday night D and I hung out on his last night before he went to his dad’s for a week to celebrate Christmas.  Saturday was D’s b-day party at Dream Sports.  He had a good turn out: Hunter M, Cooper M, Logan B, Zach and Mason H, Kenny, and family.  G also came and that was a comfort to me.  Mom and Amy kept him company when I was needed elsewhere. After the party, I went back to my house with G and we changed clothes for the Christmas Party with Derek and Kristy.  We had so much fun eating, talking, and dancing.  Sunday was filled with Christmas spirit as I helped G’s friend Erin take Santa pictures at the Club. All the kids were so cute in their outfits.  Had a wonderful lunch.  I took about a 1.5 hour nap that I guess I really needed because it was like I just close and opened my eyes.  LOL

Oh my and how could I forget my early birthday present.  Gil gave me the most beautiful necklace I have ever seen.  It’s not something I would have bought for myself and I really really LOVE it.  I was in shock for a little bit I think because no one has bought jewelry for me before and the fact that it was so nice. 🙂  I haven’t even taken it off yet.  It means so much to me and it’s like having him with me even when he’s not physically with me.  I didn’t see him coming, but I’m glad he found me.

3 years ago today, you set me free

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Three years ago today you said you wanted to separate and not be a family anymore.  So much has happened and I’m actually to the point now that I’m thankful for it, hence the title of this posting.  I want to say thank you for making the decision that I could not make.  Thank you for releasing me to become a better person and who I needed to be.  Thank you for letting D and I become a healthy family.  Even as tough as it is sometimes to be a single mom, I’d never go back to being with you.  I’m not bitter anymore, still angry about how everything happened and the lies that you told to cover it up.  The way you wouldn’t take responsibility for your actions and blame me for everything.  It’s quite laughable now.  I’m glad I’m older and wiser.  You have helped me see what abuse is and what I do not want in another person. I’m a giving person and not selfish, I deserve to have someone treat me the same way….with compassion and love and just generally being nice.

There was such a fine line for your moods and what set you off. I hope one day you really get the help you need.  I hope you can see yourself for what you are and not what you think you are.  I hope you can accept yourself for you who are and be honest and real with people.  Who knows what you might be in the future.  I actually do wish the best for you and no longer wish for other things.  I know I’m a better person now and I appreciate the lessons learned.

 

I’m free….to be…..to be me

September 16-18

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Asheville, NC is a wonderful place. I haven’t been since I was a child still living at home.  A friend and I decided kind of last minute to take a trip there and mom kept the D man.

This visit included a trip to Chimney Rock and it was wonderful.  The elevator was broken and even though the stairs were insane, I wouldn’t have traded it for the quick elevator trip.  There were beautiful pictures taken of the scenery.  The view was just majestic. Then went downtown and visited some shops and saw some hand drummers. I forget the name of the type of drum, but it was very rhythmic and wonderful.  After a good night sleep, onto Linville Caverns and Linville Falls. Then Mount Mitchell which is the highest point in NC.  It was pretty awesome and we were above the clouds.  We had lunch on the top of Mount Mitchell and I ate like a pig!  Then a relaxing hour in the hotel and back off to downtown.  On Sunday, we planned to go to Biltmore estate, but it didn’t workout that way.  We went shopping again to make sure we had gifts for the important persons in our lives.  I purchased a book at a store on the blue ridge parkway that listed hiking trails and waterfalls in the NC Mountains. We found two of them on the way home.  What a wonderful weekend.

Dylan played his 3rd football game and won 28-20!  he also lost another tooth.

9/11 reflections and a funny d-ism

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9/11/2001 – I was working for London Pacific Life and Annuity in various roles.  I was posting checks and other information into the AS 400 system for the overseas clients.  Someone came into the operations area (where I was) and said there has been a bombing at the world trade center.  I was like, what is the World Trade Center???  At the time, I didn’t really think much of it because there are bombings all over and tragic things that happen, but of course over the span of 2 hours or so, all that changed.  I was released from work early as were others of my friends.  Cell phone service was messed up all day.  My husband at the time could not get in touch with family members in DC.  Even though, he did not believe them to be in that area, it’s reassuring when you know everyone is OK.  The news coverage was non stop for days/weeks.  It’s easy to forget the horror of that day after 10 years.  So much has changed even though it only feels like a few years ago.  Dylan was not born, I’d only been married a few months.  I was just a baby in my adult life.  The thing I remember being shocked by the most were the people jumping/falling out of the buildings.  I try to imagine myself in that same place and what I would do and honestly I don’t know….even now after 10 years, I still don’t know which I would choose.  The window is quick immediate death, staying in the building is more drawn out and frightening.  Slow death of either suffocation or being stuck in rubble and not being able to get out.  I can not imagine the fear and anxiety the people felt on that day before they died.  I’ve recently watched more footage that was not shown on TV and it brought so many emotions back. I still cry for them and their families.  I don’t understand the hate that others feel for the US.  I’m sure we have made poor decisions, but what government hasn’t??  I’m sure this event will be “the event” for my generation.  What Dylan and his children will ask me about for school reports etc. in years to come.  I hope I can remember these feeling and what happened that day clear as a bell. I will continue to review the footage to help me retain the information as much as I can.

Now for a funny Dylan-ism.  Dylan had his second game at TriCounty in Durham on Saturday at 10:15am.  We traveled with Hunter Metsey and his family 45 mins to get to the field.  Now it being Durham, the players were all black and our team save for two players were all white.  So we pull into the parking lot and see a player.  Dylan says….momma they are black.  Of course I look at their skin, but I notice a player with a jersey on that is of course black.  Then I said you are right.  Then he says again…mom and we are white, but they are black.  It was so hard to keep from laughing, I know he wasn’t stating the color of their skin, but to just hear the talk and not see the imagines, it was hilarious.  I love that boy more and more every day!

Shedding the Past

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I’ve been told to truly get past hurts you must forgive the person that hurt you.  I’m not there yet. I was, but another hurt happens and it opens the wounds again as if it was just yesterday.  Sometimes I get frustrated with myself over this, but I’m only human and I should let my mind and soul work through this just as I’ve done other things.  I feel as though I’m not completely myself by holding on to this and this anger.  I need to move on and I know that completely, but something I’m not sure what is holding me back.  Maybe it’s a protective mechanism so that I am aware of this behavior in others in the future. Or maybe I’m just not ready yet.  Either way, I’m giving myself a break to feel what I feel.  I thought I was done with all this and it creeped up a few weeks ago.  Sometimes it’s out of site/out of mind, then something will happen and it’s all new again.  Not as new each time, I am moving forward for sure, but sometimes I’m still amazed at how people can treat each other without guilt or regret.

Dylan is my life, my whole soul.  I will never regret the decisions made that got me here.  I may have wished certain things were different, but still all and all I’m happy with where I am.

So let it go………………….

New Year, New Everything

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So overwhelmed with the New Year and it’s only the first month.  I have so much going on I don’t know what to do.

I’m working on getting the house in garner ready to rent to a friend.  Dylan is getting tested for things.  Frustrated with my rental agreement and property mgmt company.  Family stresses me out.  I think I’ll just move away and some of these things will take care of themselves. LOL

On the plus side, I’m going to be officially legally single.  Which while I didn’t want this option, I am going to embrace it so I can move on.  I’ve done pretty good so far, so this is the last nail in the coffin as they say.

Dylan wants a sibling and keeps asking me for one. I think if he asks again I might have to start the birds and bees conversation so that he will know that it won’t happen for a LONG time.  The dating thing is another frustration. I don’t feel my standards aren’t ENORMOUSLY high, but I’ve yet to find someone that fits even 1/2 of them.  Plus do I really want to endanger Dylan’s well being and emotional development by getting involved with someone I barely even know.  I’m not saying he’ll be involved from the beginning with my dating life, but eventually there will be a “meeting”.  How do you trust someone with your children after you’ve been through divorce and that is so damaging by itself.  I’ve kind of thought to myself, maybe no dating until Dylan is in high school, but then I don’t know either.  He’ll have crazy hormones by that time and will probably rebel against me getting involved with anyone.  Maybe I should do so now while he’s still open to me being with someone else. LOL  I guess only time will tell.

I’m also still working out. I’m at a total loss of 21 lbs. I’m hoping to be less 30 lbs by spring/summer.  Sometimes I loose without even trying so I guess that’s good. Right?  I do miss the gym when I don’t go and I feel so much better after I do go.

Well, to the future we go with our minds and arms open wide.

Labor Day Weekend 2010

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Well another holiday weekend comes and goes.  This one was a great one like many I’ve had before.  Spent with people I love doing some of the things we love, together.

One of the big things, is finding my first sharks tooth EVER!  It is about 1.5″ long and an 1″ wide.  I also found a ‘bird’ that comes out of the sand dollars if you happen to break one.  I also found two other sharks teeth, but they were way smaller.

We are also known as the “crab hunters” as far as my son is concerned.  We went out on the beach at night with our flashlights and searched for crabs and ghost crabs that live in the loose sand.  My son would think chase them back to the water or sand, whichever way they would go.  As we were walking along, I happened to see one VERY close to us and I grabbed him so he wouldn’t step on it.  He screamed so loud and ran back to nanee!  So funny!

We also came back home a different way than 40 and we saw two very funny things.  We saw a field that had 4-5 buffaloes and also a front lawn that had a regulation size football goal post that had Christmas tree lights around it.  You might be a redneck if…….

All in all, it was a great time and I can’t wait to go back again and again.  I hope all of my friends were able to do things they love with people they love this weekend.

New Year for School 09

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My son D will be starting the 1st grade next week. We have his “popsicle popin” on Friday to meet his teachers. He’s excited and not so much at the same time. I have the same feelings. It means he’ll be learning more and I take pride in what he learns and his accomplishments, but it also means he’ll be more independant and moving on more from the little boy I once knew. I guess that’s how all parents feel and it’ll always be a double edged sword, but I wouldn’t give it up for the world. He continues to amaze me every day.

Sometimes I think children were put here for our entertainment. I have a journal that I write down funny things that he says and does that make me laugh out loud. I will create a list of them on the blog one day to share. I hope they make you laugh.