First pair of barefoot running shoes………..

my first pair 🙂

Yes I am one of those people now that have the weird-looking shoes. I have done research on them and they are supposed to be really good for your feet.  Your body is designed to run barefoot and not with shoes on.  So this should feel more natural.  Hopefully it will.  I haven’t ran any kind of distance with them yet, but I hope to try them out this week.  They feel funny on, but I’m hoping with them they will deliver on the promises.  They strengthen your calf muscles and muscles in your feet.  I can’t wait for that, to have more definition will be wonderful as long as they don’t look like fred flintstone feet. 🙂

 

The Pain

One of the things I hate about my body, is that I have endo.  Recently, I’ve had more pain and cramping that I usually done have.  Puzzling to be sure. 🙁  for people with Endo the thought of having birth children is out of reach unless financially you can afford it.  It’s frustrating that I can’t do something that women were created for….to carry children in their bodies….naturally without help.  I struggle with IVF because I’ve always believed that if someone can’t get pregnant, then maybe they were put on the earth to take care of the children that couldn’t be taken care of by their original families.  I still believe this, but also struggle with wanting an experience as a woman that only woman can have.  Sometimes I feel selfish in that “want”, but other times I feel like why shouldn’t I want that???  Some times I wish I would have been pregnant early in life so that this disease wouldn’t have ravished my body so badly.  Hopefully the pain will go away and it’s just a bump in the road.

Aquarium and Saying Goodbye to 2011

December 28, 2011

We took a trip to the NC Aquarium at Pine Knoll Shores for the day and hand a blast.  This is just one of the many pictures we took. 🙂  G has fun entertaining D, but I think D likes to make us laugh just as much.  D’s eyes were wide open the whole time we were there and couldn’t get enough of each tank.  For me, the sea turtles and sea otters are my favs.  They are just so graceful and beautiful. I’ve always loved the ocean, not sure why, but it is one of the things I can not live without.  I’m slowly learning there may be other things I can not live without. 🙂

December 30, 2011

Tomorrow is the last day of 2011.  So much has happened this year…….so many great and wonderful things.  I’m so thankful for where I am in my life….such a short time ago, I wouldn’t have been able to say that, but I can honestly say that I’ve grown even more than I thought I ever could have through my life experiences.  Hopefully, I’m done for a bit learning the BIG stuff. lol  I’m looking forward to an exciting 2012.  I’m getting it started off right with a trip to FL with G starting Jan 2-8th 🙂

December 2011

So much to be thankful for, continuously.  I have great people in my life that care about me and would do anything for me. It’s nice to have people that reciprocate what I give out daily.  Everyone has their faults of course, but if you have good healthy people in your life……that’s the basis that will underline everything.

This past weekend was a great one! Friday night D and I hung out on his last night before he went to his dad’s for a week to celebrate Christmas.  Saturday was D’s b-day party at Dream Sports.  He had a good turn out: Hunter M, Cooper M, Logan B, Zach and Mason H, Kenny, and family.  G also came and that was a comfort to me.  Mom and Amy kept him company when I was needed elsewhere. After the party, I went back to my house with G and we changed clothes for the Christmas Party with Derek and Kristy.  We had so much fun eating, talking, and dancing.  Sunday was filled with Christmas spirit as I helped G’s friend Erin take Santa pictures at the Club. All the kids were so cute in their outfits.  Had a wonderful lunch.  I took about a 1.5 hour nap that I guess I really needed because it was like I just close and opened my eyes.  LOL

Oh my and how could I forget my early birthday present.  Gil gave me the most beautiful necklace I have ever seen.  It’s not something I would have bought for myself and I really really LOVE it.  I was in shock for a little bit I think because no one has bought jewelry for me before and the fact that it was so nice. 🙂  I haven’t even taken it off yet.  It means so much to me and it’s like having him with me even when he’s not physically with me.  I didn’t see him coming, but I’m glad he found me.

3 years ago today, you set me free

Three years ago today you said you wanted to separate and not be a family anymore.  So much has happened and I’m actually to the point now that I’m thankful for it, hence the title of this posting.  I want to say thank you for making the decision that I could not make.  Thank you for releasing me to become a better person and who I needed to be.  Thank you for letting D and I become a healthy family.  Even as tough as it is sometimes to be a single mom, I’d never go back to being with you.  I’m not bitter anymore, still angry about how everything happened and the lies that you told to cover it up.  The way you wouldn’t take responsibility for your actions and blame me for everything.  It’s quite laughable now.  I’m glad I’m older and wiser.  You have helped me see what abuse is and what I do not want in another person. I’m a giving person and not selfish, I deserve to have someone treat me the same way….with compassion and love and just generally being nice.

There was such a fine line for your moods and what set you off. I hope one day you really get the help you need.  I hope you can see yourself for what you are and not what you think you are.  I hope you can accept yourself for you who are and be honest and real with people.  Who knows what you might be in the future.  I actually do wish the best for you and no longer wish for other things.  I know I’m a better person now and I appreciate the lessons learned.

 

I’m free….to be…..to be me

30 Things to Stop Doing

I found a new blog to follow today and it was very insightful. I thought I’d pick at least one of them and reflect upon how it moved me.  Well here it is….(reference: Marc and Angel Hack Life )

25.  Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while.  You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well.  You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears.  The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.

I’m very guilty of being ok all the time. I have to be…..I’m a single mom without spousal support. I am a full time working woman outside of the home and I also try to participate in life outside of work and mommy things.  But I realized the other day that it’s very hard for me to open up when I need to cry.  And yes sometimes we NEED to.  I know this is a learned behavior from my childhood, but it is still hard to shake.  I will make an effort in the future to be ok to cry or have a bad day or to just be what I need to be in the moment.  and it’s ok.

30 days of Thanksgiving – 2011

I have many many things to be thankful for, these are only a few.

1)  My God

2)  My son

3)  My Mom

4)  My closest friends

5)  My Dad

6)  My Granny

7)  My Job

8)  My Freedom

9)  My humor

10) The trials in my life that have made me a better/stronger person

11)  Starbucks and/or coffee of any kind

12)  Summer days/nights

13)  The family farm/open country

14)  The ocean and animals in it

15)  My home

16)  My clothes/shoes

17)  My vehicle

18)  My FB friends and FB

19)  Healthcare and insurance

20)  ability to run

21)  co-workers that make my life interesting

22)  college degree

23)  fresh cut grass

24)  flip flops (should probably be higher on the list – lol)

25)  waterfalls / natural beauty

26)  words of affirmation

27)  the feeling of touch

28)  holidays spend with family and friends

29)  my iphone – materialistic I know, but it keeps me in touch with many

30)  new beginnings

My List for a lifer :)

So I was challenged by a friend lately to make a list of what I wanted in a life partner, no I don’t use that as a same sex relationship does, but as a choice to spend the rest of my life with – person.  So here is the list, so I’ll know it when I see it.

1)  Financially Secure and makes sound decisions

2)  Has a good job, not wealthy, just stable and secure and meeting bills

3)  Treats mother with respect and love because this is an indicator of how I will be treated

4)  Has faith in God

5)  Loves children

6)  Can communicate well, doesn’t yell or have anger issues

7)  Willing to deal with issues as they come up within us and outside of us

8)  Is respectful to my friends and family

9)  Likes family time

10)  has own interests and is ok without constant interaction

11)  makes time for me without me having to ask

12)  takes pride in our home/family

13)  lets me be me and doesn’t belittle me

14)  will participate with me in things and enjoy them

15)  likes a clean/neat house (not a slob)

16)  willing to let me be girly when I need to and tomboy when I need to 🙂

17)  has drive and passion to accomplish/has goals working towards

18)  will push me to be a better person

19)  comfortable with him as a friend

the list will continue to develop……………..