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Family….the ties that bind

So I have a question: Does family, no matter what you do forgive you for every wrong doing and let you back in no matter what?

I have a family member that for years and years has taken advantage of many of the other family members and abused them in certain ways.  They would like the door reopened because now they are married, have children, and are pregnant with a new child.  I’ve told them they have to prove themselves worthy.  It’s very hard when you trust someone and they continue to trespass against you, to open that door again.  So I’m still on the fence and for the most part I’m supported in my decision to keep them out of my life.  This person is ALWAYS drama, always.  And right now I choose against the drama.

Freedom

I want the freedom to love, care, feel free to just be.  It’s amazing how something so “free” can feel so out of reach.  It has escaped me as of recently, but I will attain it. I look forward to that day of everlasting freedom.  Who knows when it will come, but I just know this can’t last forever.

Today I realized in church service that I am not who I need to be for Dylan as a spiritual example.  I am good, but good is not enough.  You have to always care yourself and be yourself as God would be.  I don’t do all of it and I should strive to be that.  Well here is my promise baby boy, to be that which you need in all areas, spiritually, emotionally and physically.

My Feelings Lately ……………..

‘Cause my shackles

So you won’t be

And my rapture

So you won’t believe

And deep inside you will bleed for me

 

So here I slave inside of a broken dream

Forever holding on to splitting seams

So take your piece and leave me alone to die

I don’t need you to keep my faith alive

 

Shackled ~ Vertical Horizon

Labor Day 09

Well it is that time again, another holiday for celebration and time with family. I will be spending time with D and my mom, hopefully at the beach. There is nothing more exciting and calming than the time spent with him at the beach. The calming waves crashing on the sand and birds in the air gliding on the wind.

Some people when they go to the beach, always have to be doing and going, not me. Just give me the sun and waves…..and not necessarily the heat. I’m not a sunbather necessarily, but I can and have been known to lay out. 😉 I’ll grab a book and a beach chair and I’m home. The beach just feels like where my soul was meant to be. Maybe because my mom loves the beach so much. I always kid her that it’s what she gave me if nothing else because I look so much like my dad.

I look forward to giving my cares away to the wind and waves this weekend and I hope you can too if for just a moment. In the end, you can’t take them with you anyway.

Games

It’s amazing to me that people get caught up in the weirdiest things. I always pride myself on being true to myself and others in all situations. I don’t say that I’ve always told the truth in all situations, I know I’ve told the white lie now and again.

But to deliberately try to manipulate and catch someone in something that was made up in the first place….well be careful what you send out because it will catch up with you in the end.

New Year for School 09

My son D will be starting the 1st grade next week. We have his “popsicle popin” on Friday to meet his teachers. He’s excited and not so much at the same time. I have the same feelings. It means he’ll be learning more and I take pride in what he learns and his accomplishments, but it also means he’ll be more independant and moving on more from the little boy I once knew. I guess that’s how all parents feel and it’ll always be a double edged sword, but I wouldn’t give it up for the world. He continues to amaze me every day.

Sometimes I think children were put here for our entertainment. I have a journal that I write down funny things that he says and does that make me laugh out loud. I will create a list of them on the blog one day to share. I hope they make you laugh.

Beginnings

So this is the beginning of my blog. I’m not sure the direction it will take or what it will contain, but at the advice of a friend, I’m going to start. I’ve carried a diary for many years and it has given me comfort, I now sit infront of a computer more often than not. I’ve had many changes over the past few years and I will take some time later this week perhaps and fill in the blanks, but for now, I’ll just leave you with the thought of there is more to come. I’m off to work and make my dollar like the rest of the world.