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Harlem Globetrotters

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March 2nd 2012 – Dylan and I went to see the globetrotters for the first time ever for both of us.  It was very cool.  They played a “game” and did funny stuff all during the show.  It lasted about 2 hours and Dylan had a great time.

First snow fall of 2011/2012 winter season

Today is February 20th, President’s day 2012.  We’ve had a very mild winter with lows only a hand full of days below 45 degrees.  It’s been great for flip flop lovers like me, but it’s always nice to also have the pretty snow fall.  It’s so graceful and quiet. I love the way it just dances outside in the wind.  It’s as light as a feather and maybe even lighter.  The flakes are all different sizes and shapes.  It goes back and forth between large and smaller flakes.  The ice also comes sometimes, esp in North Carolina.  But that’s ok.  It makes for a nice 2 hour delay for schools so the kids can get some time in the snow and maybe a cup of hot chocolate or two.  Sadly Dylan was not with me today, but I was able to enjoy the snow with some pretty special people.  I enjoyed the time I had with them and they made me feel welcomed.  Someone 🙂 convinced me to stay the night due to it being 9pm by the time we realized what it was doing outside.  So I spent the night with friends and their family.  This morning, I was about an hour late for work, but that’s ok.  What’s important is spending time with people you care about and being alive to see them another day.  Time is all you have to share and I hope at the end of my years I can say that I spent my wisely.

The Pain

One of the things I hate about my body, is that I have endo.  Recently, I’ve had more pain and cramping that I usually done have.  Puzzling to be sure. 🙁  for people with Endo the thought of having birth children is out of reach unless financially you can afford it.  It’s frustrating that I can’t do something that women were created for….to carry children in their bodies….naturally without help.  I struggle with IVF because I’ve always believed that if someone can’t get pregnant, then maybe they were put on the earth to take care of the children that couldn’t be taken care of by their original families.  I still believe this, but also struggle with wanting an experience as a woman that only woman can have.  Sometimes I feel selfish in that “want”, but other times I feel like why shouldn’t I want that???  Some times I wish I would have been pregnant early in life so that this disease wouldn’t have ravished my body so badly.  Hopefully the pain will go away and it’s just a bump in the road.

December 2011

So much to be thankful for, continuously.  I have great people in my life that care about me and would do anything for me. It’s nice to have people that reciprocate what I give out daily.  Everyone has their faults of course, but if you have good healthy people in your life……that’s the basis that will underline everything.

This past weekend was a great one! Friday night D and I hung out on his last night before he went to his dad’s for a week to celebrate Christmas.  Saturday was D’s b-day party at Dream Sports.  He had a good turn out: Hunter M, Cooper M, Logan B, Zach and Mason H, Kenny, and family.  G also came and that was a comfort to me.  Mom and Amy kept him company when I was needed elsewhere. After the party, I went back to my house with G and we changed clothes for the Christmas Party with Derek and Kristy.  We had so much fun eating, talking, and dancing.  Sunday was filled with Christmas spirit as I helped G’s friend Erin take Santa pictures at the Club. All the kids were so cute in their outfits.  Had a wonderful lunch.  I took about a 1.5 hour nap that I guess I really needed because it was like I just close and opened my eyes.  LOL

Oh my and how could I forget my early birthday present.  Gil gave me the most beautiful necklace I have ever seen.  It’s not something I would have bought for myself and I really really LOVE it.  I was in shock for a little bit I think because no one has bought jewelry for me before and the fact that it was so nice. 🙂  I haven’t even taken it off yet.  It means so much to me and it’s like having him with me even when he’s not physically with me.  I didn’t see him coming, but I’m glad he found me.

3 years ago today, you set me free

Three years ago today you said you wanted to separate and not be a family anymore.  So much has happened and I’m actually to the point now that I’m thankful for it, hence the title of this posting.  I want to say thank you for making the decision that I could not make.  Thank you for releasing me to become a better person and who I needed to be.  Thank you for letting D and I become a healthy family.  Even as tough as it is sometimes to be a single mom, I’d never go back to being with you.  I’m not bitter anymore, still angry about how everything happened and the lies that you told to cover it up.  The way you wouldn’t take responsibility for your actions and blame me for everything.  It’s quite laughable now.  I’m glad I’m older and wiser.  You have helped me see what abuse is and what I do not want in another person. I’m a giving person and not selfish, I deserve to have someone treat me the same way….with compassion and love and just generally being nice.

There was such a fine line for your moods and what set you off. I hope one day you really get the help you need.  I hope you can see yourself for what you are and not what you think you are.  I hope you can accept yourself for you who are and be honest and real with people.  Who knows what you might be in the future.  I actually do wish the best for you and no longer wish for other things.  I know I’m a better person now and I appreciate the lessons learned.

 

I’m free….to be…..to be me